Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
