he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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