hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
