I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
