Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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