I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
