i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
