Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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