i think my mom watched the whole time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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