Just mADE A PArabola og urine
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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