So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
