Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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