I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize