I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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