I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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