I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
