UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
