After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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