Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
