If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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