Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
