Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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