summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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