If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
