If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
