Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
