it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
