she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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