dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
