oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
