well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
