He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
