saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
