i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
