dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
a search helicopter?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
