ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
