Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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