hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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