Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
