He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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