ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I look better un-naked...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
