Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize