I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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