Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
