summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I love you.
Bad choice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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