get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this will be a night to untag.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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