If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
