Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
