the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
