I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
