he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
