So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
accomplished twins. life is a go
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
