Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize