i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We are two peas in an std pod
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
