two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize