I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
