I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
