u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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