Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
