I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize