Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize