well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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