Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
