There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
