she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize