I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize