Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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