in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
