Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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