# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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