do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
