Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
