Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
