I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
