It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
