I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
