What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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