Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
