She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize