it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
