if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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