Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
