I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
