I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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