I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
worst night to have a conscience
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
