I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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