here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
is that a dick in a sweater?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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